What women want

I am writing this article as a woman. I am scared that I will write these things about myself. Women don’t usually want to admit these things about themselves. Nobody reveals their inner world like this. The thing is that today’s society is completely lost and feminism is also taking people to wrong directions. Someone needs to speak to help people and help the world be a good place again. I also don’t think that someone will be able to trace back to who I am from the 7 billion individuals in the world, so there is no harm done to me. Even if they do, I don’t care anymore. I just feel that I need to say some things. It is important for me to save the world from taking a wrong direction. Thus, I advice you to read this confession carefully because you will rarely see again such an honest and detailed explanation from a woman.

Men and women are different

I will start this article by analysing why I believe that men and women are different. Then, I will say some important things about what women want. I won’t fully cover the topic of all things that they want, but I will mention some important things that they want. To begin with, feminism today is trying to teach us that men and women are the same. They are trying to teach us e.g. that men are not better at driving than women, men are not better at math than women, women are not better than men at learning languages. As a scientist, I have to say that this is not true. Many findings of biology have shown this. For example, it has been found that the male and the female brain are different (Cool, 2016). You can draw your own conclusions from that. I won’t say more because I am mostly interested in making a philosophical discussion right now. I don’t want to focus much on whether science or religion support that men and women are different.

So, let’s start the philosophical discussion. Why does Rosie think that men and women are different? For many reasons. I think that they may be gaslighting us when they are telling us that we are just imagining things and that these things don’t make sense to be true. To start with, do you observe that most of your female friends want to do “female” jobs and most or your male friends want to do “male” jobs. Of course, someone could claim that these are the role models that we had as kids and we internalized them and we just follow the role models. Following what is presented for some people could be true, but I don’t think that most people do this.

You can just stop for a minute and ask yourself why you want to do this job that you dream to do (not a job that you know you chose despite not liking it eg because it pays better). You chose it because this is your dream and you really like doing that. Do you think that society taught you what to like and what to not like? I have a passion for biology and when I think about my upbringing, I don’t think that there were many stimuli that pushed me towards it. To be honest, I had some pressure towards science. When I really think about it though and I try to understand myself and do some introspection, I think that I liked this thing anyway. I often try to be myself’s psychologist and understand why I do what I do.

I read about science because I like it, not because dad gave me many things to read and I felt the need to do what he wanted or something. In any case, I was the one who started watching science documentaries to begin with, before dad even told me anything. I do science because I like it. Not because I feel pushed or something and you haven’t even heard the worst part yet. The worst part is that during my life I received more pressure on doing more “male” sciences (e.g. math, physics). I ignored this pressure and I did a more “female” science (biology) because I knew that this was what I liked and I just ignored all opposite stimuli and moved towards what I wanted.

Most children that I knew at school chose to follow a specific career because this was what their passion was and what they liked. This is what I see from people around me. They didn’t do it because they felt encouraged to follow this career instead of another one or because they felt discouraged to follow another career. I can’t know for sure, of course, but this is the impression that they gave me from their behaviour, so I consider it more likely.

Moreover, I do believe that passions and things that we enjoy come from within. I don’t believe that someone put a passion in you. Passion is your thing. Nobody will convince me otherwise. What do feminists believe? That we were presented with something and that we started liking it because we were brainwashed that this is good for us and we just got used to doing it, so we started enjoying it? I don’t think that I have received much brainwashing to do some feminine stuff, even though I have a very feminine character. If you look at your life and try to be your own self’s psychologist, you can judge if this could be true in some areas and where. In any case, I highly doubt that men and women are who they are due to brainwashing. Don’t get me wrong. Role models definitely affect your behaviour. Societal pressure affects it too. However, I don’t believe that external factors can fully shape who you are.

Since I was a very young child (if you observe other kids, they do the same), I always had my own personality and I interacted with things around me. I didn’t just stay still and do what mum (or whoever else) wanted all the time. People always interact with things happening around them. We obviously all know that from our personal experience. Telling me that we are or were beings that just “stayed still” and simply absorbed all information that came around us without reacting seams to me completely. We definitely have and had our own personality since we all have and had our own unique reactions to things happening to us. I feel gaslighted when they tell me that I just accepted “feminine” roles because of this and even started liking them because of this. I find this completely ridiculous and I am not falling for this lie. Sometimes, people and role models around me may have affected my behaviour and choices in life, but this is where it ends. It ends to “AFFECTED”. They did nothing more. They never made me who I am. This is true about many things, not just gender roles.

The worst thing happens when you see what happens when you remove the pressure by society to do “masculine” and “feminine” stuff. I did say that external pressure affects our choices, so in some cases there may be some reduction of “masculine” and “feminine” behaviours by men and women respectively. However, the average trend will be the same and men will be doing more masculine stuff, while women will be doing more feminine stuff. For example, it has been investigated why girls like “girls toys” and boys like “boys toys” and there is evidence that there are biological reasons for this (Kanazawa, 2008). Also, don’t forget the boys who turn out to be gay. Sometimes we hear that these specific kids played with “girls toys” as kids. Is this a coincidence? They didn’t even know that they would turn out gay back then. Why did these kids (and specifically these kids, not the boys who turned out to be heterosexual in the future) decided to play with “girls toys”? You see, this doesn’t make any sense. I don’t believe in this lies. For me it is obvious that things you like to play with have some connection to your sexuality (maybe not gender because gay men liked different toys from non gay men).

You can also look at the fact that the male and female body produce different hormones. Males have 10 times more testosterone than women, for example, and there are also some hormones that are more associated with the female body e.g. oestrogen and progesterone. How can two beings with a different hormonal constitution have no difference in character or temperament? It is well known among scientists that the constitution of your body and things happening to your body can affect you psychologically, affect your mood or ever your character. This 10 times more testosterone is probably doing something. It makes men more competitive than women, for instance.

In addition, we know that women have maternal instincts. How likely is it that a being with maternal instincts isn’t more caring than a being that doesn’t have them? You can think many examples like these, but honestly, the list doesn’t end. I think that the theory of men and women be seen to have many plot holes, if we look more into science. But I said that I don’t want to focus on science on this article, so you can read more on these things on your own, if you want to.

Finally, I left my last argument for the end. Sweden is a country that has put an extreme amount of effort to push girls to do “masculine” jobs. These guys have really tried really hard to do this. They haven’t observed a good result from this though. In fact, women there are still much more likely to choose “feminine” jobs instead of “masculine” jobs (Statista, 2022) and this is surprising if someone takes into consideration the amount of brainwashing that takes place there for them to do the opposite.

What women want

Now, the scary part of the article has come. The time for me to make some revelations about myself that are hard for me to say to other people. Let’s start from the beginning. So, I will tell you how I was raised for you to understand better what I think that women may want. I was raised in a family that believes that being married and having kids is important and it is more important than having a career (if you have to choose between the two). This is what my parents believe. They transmitted this belief to me, but there are many things that I do or believe that aren’t justified by this belief.

To begin with, as a kid I was taught that marriage is something that I should consider doing in my late 20s or early 30s. I was discouraged by society and by my family to do it earlier. I was even told that earlier I shouldn’t necessarily take men very seriously. I was actually never happy with that, but I felt much pressure by society to do that (the opposite to what feminists say! They only talk about the pressure that society used to put on women to marry early, but what they are doing is putting pressure too because you feel pushed not to marry early, even if you want to. People who marry early get a bit stigmatized where I come from). I felt pressure by that, but it was hard for me. Actually, the majority of women don’t like this hookup culture that has arisen (Fessler, 2016).

When I was 15-16, I learnt that a woman that I know had had her first relationship at university and ended up marrying the same man years later. When I heard it, I was overwhelmed with joy when I heard this. I had a moment when I got so excited and I was extremely happy and I just wished that the same thing would happen to me! I knew that this was what I wanted, but I felt scared. Even my own family would laugh at me if I just found a man, had one relationship and married him (if things worked out between us). I was extremely lucky and blessed by God because a few years later I decided to get more involved in the church and live us God wants me to live. In the church environments, not having many romantic partners during your life is actually encouraged. For the first time in my life, I was somewhere where I wasn’t afraid that I would be bullied for who I was or for my choices. I finally felt free!

This is just the beginning of the story and it is one more true that people aren’t a tabula rasa that simply accepts what society has to say without having its own character. I was extremely discouraged to do a specific behaviour and was presented with other behaviours as societally accepted behaviours, but I didn’t want them and I felt trapped. After my escape to a world of commitment, I also discovered more things about myself during the years.

I think that we have all had that face when we discovered for the first time that we want to have a guy or a girl (as a romantic partner). For some reason, I had this phase quite late. I was 19-20 when I first felt ready and I also felt that I needed a guy in my life. The thing is that this face was also accompanied with other changes within me. Since I was at this age, I have become less and less interested in my university work and less motivated to do it. I became more interested in relationships and in finding a way to have my own family. I still do my work but I feel more burnt out and I don’t have the same energy that I used to have regardless of how much I keep trying! I am genuinely trying. I am a very responsible person, but it is hard for me regardless of how much I try. Since then, I have never been the same person as I was before this “crisis” began. My body is really pushing me to the opposite direction and it is hard for me to resist it anymore. I don’t know for how much longer I will be able to keep doing this without “falling”. I am not exaggerating.

The times when Rosie was a nerd who felt fulfillment in her life by being a nerd and reading all this stuff, is over. I am not even interested in stuff so much anymore. They say that men are more interested in things and women are more interested in people. This is absolutely true. I absolutely believe it. I have spent the last years in my life doing a lot of philosophy. Well, I have liked philosophy since I was 16, but now I have different areas of interest. Now, I am more interested in practical philosophy. I still mainly focus on how we should live our lives as people e.g. moral values or generally character development, such as being a responsible individual and contributing to other people. I now though also have a lot of interest in human relationships, mainly romantic ones.

I read all the things that dating coaches say about how to have a successful relationship, and in general, I focus more on having good relationships now than I used in the past. I am also extremely interested in the basis of human behaviour, even though I was interested in this before I had my “crisis” too. I am very interested in why we are who we are. I mostly like the genetic part, so genetic basis of human behaviour, but I also like psychology and psychological reasons behind our behaviours too. I think that I want my future career to be in this area. In any case, I am more into psychology now and understanding humans and also interacting with them and forming relationships with them.

Except for these, I also want a baby. I have been “adopting” people since I was around 10 years old (yes, this is how crazy I am. I have very strong maternal instincts). At some point when I was around 10, I suddenly noticed that my brother was cute. I started kissing him a lot and I have been taking care of him since (a bit like a second mother, not too many things though. It is more like a part time job). I just noticed that he was cute and I wanted to take care of him.

Through the years I have occasionally “adopted” other people too, but not to the extent that I have done with my brother. My brother has been my standard long term child or at least he had been… I used to have a lot of fun with all of my children and I was happy and fulfilled living like this. At some point though, the party was over. At some point when I was around 20, a thought suddenly came to me “children of other people are good to adopt, but what about having your own kids?”. Honestly, after this thought came I haven’t found peace (I am not exaggerating).

After this, I became gradually more distant from parenting my brother, which makes me sad. I haven’t estranged myself completely as a “mother” from him, but I don’t feel fulfilled anymore and I don’t take care of him as much as I used to. I just don’t have the energy to take so much care of him anymore. The same things that fulfilled me don’t fulfill me. I am sure that I want something different. I even desire a pregnancy and having a kid in my own body…

At some point when I was 21-22, this was the worst phase of my life. I still really wanted a man that I hadn’t found yet and I was also feeling that if I continued not having kids for years, I would go crazy! This matches the information on an article that I saw online which says that women who don’t have babies by 25 have a false pregnancy and decide to “adopt” other people/animals e.g. pets or muslim immigrants. Hmmm. I wonder what this reminds me of, especially the “adoption” pattern… Also, at 21-22 I felt that I would go crazy if many more years passed without any babies… I even know a girl who is around my age. She lives with her boyfriend and they have cats. Based on how she behaves, she seams to see them as their kids and try to create a family where there is a mother, a father and the cats that she and her boyfriend have “adopted”…

I just want you to stop for a minute and think how we were raised. I was raised to believe that marriage and children were things that I shouldn’t even think to do before the end of my 20s. As if they shouldn’t even cross my mind. Is this what happened? NO. Why? Because I have been biologically programmed to have kids, ideally before the age of 25, and when the biological time for reproduction came, my genetics and biology pushed me to do something completely different to what society had brainwashed me to do. They screamed the revolutionary idea (for the standards of today’s society) that said “Go to meet a long term partner and have kids NOW”. I am not kidding. It did say “NOW”.

“NOW. NOW. NOW. Why haven’t you done it yet? What are you doing? NOWWWWWWWW”…

I couldn’t get this “now” to stop screaming no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to focus on my degree in this period of my life, but my body had a different opinion and it just didn’t leave me alone, no matter what I did. I am still under 25 now. I did manage to finish my degree and I started some postgraduate degree. I also FINALLY met the love of my life, so if things work out, I will marry this person and have BABIES.

Now, this is the complicating part. I am not sure if I am affected by society or I genuinely want that, but I still want to do some work related to biology in the future. The thing is that the last years I see it more like a hobby or a part time job. I don’t feel that I want to be fully committed to a career. I feel like I want to be fully committed to being a housewife and having kids. This is the “full-time job” that my body is telling me to do and what my hormones and everything is making me want to do. This is why I have been gradually depressed through the years. I am not happy with being a full time student and nerd anymore. I want something else. For me to be happy, I need to focus full time on being a housewife and mother. Otherwise, I will have less happiness as a person than I could have and I will always be feeling that my everyday life won’t fulfill me. I don’t want to keep living like this. I want to prioritizing choosing what will make me happy over choosing what I am being brainwashed to choose. Otherwise, there is no point. The point in our lives is to be happy. Otherwise, what is the point?

I visited my boyfriend once. His house was a mess like a typical boys house. I cleaned up the house and also the bathroom. Cleaning for him actually gave me some joy, and you haven’t even heard the worst part yet. I cooked some foods for him and when I was making foods and giving them to him, I had a moment when I had this burst happiness and fulfillment… Some months before this event, I had also FINALLY got the opportunity to do some babysitting (I am trying to use babysitting to satisfy my maternal instincts until I finally manage to get married and work on having my own baby. It still doesn’t fully satisfy me, but it is better than nothing). The day I did this babysitting, I had a burst of happiness again. I was so happy. I had been doing my postgraduate degree for around a year then and during this single day that I did babysitting I felt so much happiness and fulfillment that I had not felt in years during doing my degrees. My degrees and career proved completely “incompetent” in providing me the happiness and fulfillment that I needed. Everything that they hadn’t given me in years came within a moment or within a day of behaving like a housewife and a mother… I now know for sure. I have no doubt anymore. My primary occupation in the future and the thing that will fill most of the time is being a wife and mother. I have no doubts anymore. I felt that something was missing from my life and now I found it and I won’t let anybody take it from me…

Now, I will continue with some things that feminists won’t like. These are some more traditional gender roles and also the fact that women are biologically attracted to strong and masculine men, while men are attracted to feminine women.

To begin with, my boyfriend is a bit of an authoritarian man. He is a weirdo who is against democracy and believes that a country should have a king (I am not kidding). He hasn’t managed to change my mind. I am very pro democracy. However, I have to admit that this man is EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE. I feel shocked to discover this, but this is the truth. I realized that I don’t like it when men treat me badly, but if a king is a good king who doesn’t treat his people badly, this attracts me. I want a kind and responsible person who treats others well, but I also want a strong man (in character mainly) and also a dynamic man. I don’t want a man who is a loser and doesn’t know how to lead properly and isn’t masculine enough. I find this very unattractive.

We had this discussion with my boyfriend because I initially thought that he was trying to force me to do things. The thing is that he is not forcing me to do things. He is more of a guide to me. He is telling me some things that he thinks are good for me to do e.g. to start working out. I am not forced to obey to him. I am doing it if I believe that the thing that he says would be good for me or I do it out of love from him. This is an important thing that has been happening in our relationship and I realized that I needed that. In the past, I had met some guys that were too “democratic”. I mean that they were just telling me to do whatever I wanted and they were never trying to push me to try to do some things. They didn’t have so much of an active role as a guide or a lead in my life. They never suggested me to do specific things and they didn’t act as a guide in my life or someone who has strength and takes the lead and leads me to a certain direction of things to do. They were being democratic, but in a bad way. It seamed as if they lacked masculinity and the strength to say with confidence that I should do something and strongly encourage me to do it.

All my life, I had been taught a very democratic role model of how men and women should behave to each other. I was also taught that this is what would make me happy and that I would be lucky to have that. Despite all the brainwashing to like a too democratic way of interaction between men and women, my biology and nature as a woman actually liked something else. I felt that something was missing from my life, but I couldn’t realise what it was because I had never seen this thing before and I didn’t know how to put it in words and what it was that I wanted. I felt unhappy though. After I met my boyfriend, I realized that this is what I actually wanted. I had never realized it before. This is crazy.

Another thing about me is that I behaved a bit like a feminist in the past, even though I was not a feminist. I often made the first move and was the one approaching a guy. I did this because I had been taught that not doing this is a sign of female inferiority, which is ridiculous. We just do these things because we like behaving like this and because we have a different biology. We don’t do these things because someone is inferior.

Except for that I was often resistant to letting men have the lead. This will sound contradictory to what I was saying before, but let me explain. A woman is naturally submissive to a man, but this submission and giving him the lead is EARNED. It is not just given to anybody. Women don’t give the lead to anybody. We do not even want anybody. We are very selective regarding who we mate with.

Basically, before I met my boyfriend, I had met many men who were not strong men (in character) or who weren’t very interested in getting married. Basically, I have observed that men belong to two categories: the men who don’t want to get married and the men who want to get married NOW. And when I say “now”, I mean “NOW!! NOW!! NOW!!!”. This completely puzzles me. There is no man who simply wants to get married without caring when this will happen. This is how I am, but I haven’t found any men like this. At least I haven’t personally come across them.

During the last years of my life I have been more attracted to men in their late 20s or early 30s because these men are more likely to want to marry “NOW!! NOW!! NOW!!!”. Dealing with them has been proved easier than dealing with men who don’t want to marry. Every time that I met a man who didn’t want to marry, this guy just couldn’t think relatively early if I could be a person that he would see as a wife. He just wanted to start a relationship with someone and months (best case scenario) or years (more likely scenario) later he would think if his partner could also suit him as a wife or not and would act accordingly. The thing is that I don’t operate like this. The last years I have been going out looking for a husband (not a boyfriend). This is a huge difference. Men who don’t want to get married don’t do that. Only men who want to get married “NOW!! NOW!! NOW!!!” do that. This is why everything has been failing. I am not compatible with the former group of guys. My time is valuable. If I know that I want a husband, I can’t just let someone waste months or years of my life without even thinking if he could see me as a wife. I have more worth than that and I didn’t let these guys do anything of the sort.

Every time that I met a guy who wasn’t looking for a wife, I still wanted to have a relationship with him (because I am stupid). However, I had trouble letting this person have the lead in the relationship, as a man should do, because I simply DIDN’T TRUST HIM TO DO SO. I didn’t trust where this man was taking me because he had a different mentality from me. A relationship with such a guy would have much more chances of going where I wanted and being successful, if I just took the lead. However, nobody would want that and I am glad that I didn’t have a relationship with any of these guys in the end. This would be horrible.

Now, I pass to the next field. A woman wants a man who knows what he wants and is firm in that. This is (partly at least) because he makes her feel safe that he is confident, he knows where he is leading her and he is a good lead. Another thing about women is that they have a general tendency to like safety and guys who protect them in some way (Bacon, 2022). This probably makes feminists sad, but this is who we are. We are biologically built this way.

Now, I won’t say anything more today. I am tired and I have been writing this article for hours. I just wanted people to understand some basic things because the world has taken a very weird direction and I don’t think that the majority of people feel happy when they behave as we are today brainwashed to behave and live the lifestyles that we are supposed to have. I hope that this article helped you.

References

Bacon, D. (2022). Why Do Women Want to Feel Protected By Their Man?. [online] The Modern Man. Available at: https://www.themodernman.com/relationship/why-do-women-want-to-feel-protected-by-their-man.html [Accessed 2 July 2022].

Cool, L. (2016). Are Male and Female Brains Different?. [online] WebMD. Available at: https://www.webmd.com/brain/features/how-male-female-brains-differ#:~:text=Men%20have%20stronger%20connections%20between%20brain%20areas%20for,brains%20are%20about%2010%25%20larger%20than%20female%20brains. [Accessed 2 July 2022].

Fessler, L. (2016). A lot of women don’t enjoy hookup culture—so why do we force ourselves to participate?. [online] Quartz. Available at: https://qz.com/685852/hookup-culture/ [Accessed 26 January 2022].

Kanazawa, S. (2008). Why Do Boys and Girls Prefer Different Toys?. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200804/why-do-boys-and-girls-prefer-different-toys [Accessed 2 July 2022].

Statista, (2022). Sweden: gender distribution of managers by sector 2020 | Statista. [online] Available at: https://www.statista.com/statistics/819753/gender-distribution-of-managers-in-sweden-by-sector/ [Accessed 2 July 2022].